I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
