YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
