We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
