ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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