a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
