WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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