I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
