hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
