Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Randomize
