Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Randomize
