mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
