The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i will never coherently bang her
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
