im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Did you just see the Batmobile???
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
