I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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