my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
