i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
