Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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