dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
