Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Pooping to opera.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
