I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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