i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
