I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
