please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
