It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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