So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Randomize