Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
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