Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
