your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I supernannyed him into submission
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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