I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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