i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
