He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
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