Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
