There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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