Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
And then he peed in my hair
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