Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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