My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
