Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
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