I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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