You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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