My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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