I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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