Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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