absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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