Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
