Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize