Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
