White coat. Heels.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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