College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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