Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize