I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
