i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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