It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
