According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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