don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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