Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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