So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
