Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
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