So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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