The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
