I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
