i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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