I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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