im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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