Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
