Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
