I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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