i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
